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Andocides On his Return 8 [andoc. 2.8]



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[7] Owing to -- shall I say my own youthful folly, or the influence of

others who persuaded me into such a piece of madness? -- I was luckless

enough to be forced to choose between two of the most painful alternatives

imaginable. On the one hand, I could refuse to disclose the authors of the

outrage. In that case I not only trembled for my own fate, but caused the

death of my father, who was entirely innocent, as well as my own -- he was

inevitably doomed, if I refused to speak. On the other hand, I could

purchase my own life and liberty and avoid becoming my father's murderer --

and what would a man not bring himself to do to escape that? -- but only by

turning informer.



[8] Of the alternatives before me, then, I chose that which meant years of

sorrow for myself, but immediate release for you from the distress of the

moment. Remember your peril: remember your helplessness: remember how you

stood in such fear of one another that you ceased going abroad even into

the Agora, because you each expected arrest. That such a state of things

should have occurred at all proved to be due only in small part to me; that

it ended, on the other hand, proved to be due to me alone.

[9] Notwithstanding, I have never succeeded in being anything save the

unluckiest man alive; for when Athens was heading for this disaster, no one

came near suffering the sorrows which I suffered: and when she was once

more regaining her security, I was of all men the most to be pitied. The

desperate distress of Athens could be remedied only at the cost of my good

name: so that your deliverance meant my own ruin. It is your gratitude,

therefore, not your scorn that I deserve for my sufferings.



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